Post Archives from the ‘Grief, Healing, Guilt, Loss of Control’ Category



Fatigue

Posted on: July 13th, 2018 by
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Art 4 Last week, I had a real treat: for the first time in a long time, I went to the Art Institute of Chicago, famous for its impressionist paintings, among other artwork. On a pitch perfect day, I met a dear friend whom I hadn’t seen for awhile at the museum. We had lunch, laughed, caught Continue reading the story "Fatigue"

Dad

Posted on: June 14th, 2018 by
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Candle In Judaism, there’s a beautiful gravesite tradition where the rabbi cuts a part of the mourners’ shirts, about where the heart is located. Those closest to the deceased wear the ripped shirt every day during the first week of mourning to symbolize and remind us and the community how our hearts are torn apart. The shirt Continue reading the story "Dad"

My Father and the Holocaust

Posted on: May 23rd, 2018 by
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This is my first post in awhile, for I was still grieving the loss of my beloved aunt, when my dad died of Parkinson’s in March. And I found myself sunk even deeper in the quicksand of depression. Writing is therapeutic, but I was so locked in grief that I couldn’t write. Grief and depression are a bitch. But now, finally and shakily, I write. Saying Continue reading the story "My Father and the Holocaust"

My Father’s Dying; They Just Turn Their Backs

Posted on: March 12th, 2018 by
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After a harrowing few years filled with suffering from end-stage Parkinson's disease, his days are finally coming to an end. My dad has stopped eating, and now all my family can do is sit and wait. For a doctor’s phone call. Understandably, this is a difficult time for my family, made even more difficult by the people who are supposed to make things easier -- medical Continue reading the story "My Father’s Dying; They Just Turn Their Backs"

2018: My Three Words

Posted on: January 12th, 2018 by
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Weights For 2018, I’m continuing the tradition that fellow blogger Philippa Ramsden started: blogging about the three words that will guide me this year. (To check out Philippa’s three words for 2018, click here.) As my readers know, 2017 witnessed me getting laid off and losing my beloved aunt soon after. My precious aunt was Continue reading the story "2018: My Three Words"

Guilty Pleasures

Posted on: December 14th, 2017 by
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These days, I’m feeling guilty. My father is faring badly hundreds of miles away. My mom’s anguish is palpable. I’ve been frantically advocating for him and trying to calm her down. All by phone. I have to be prepared to leave to Florida at a moment’s notice. But lately, and -- this is the crux of my guilt -- I’ve been having fun. I feel I’m a poor Continue reading the story "Guilty Pleasures"

Coping Tools

Posted on: December 7th, 2017 by
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As my readers know, 2017 has been a real crucible for me. Let’s face it, I’m ready to put 2017 in the books and welcome 2018 wholeheartedly. As someone who has experienced steadfast grief, sadness, and emotional duress in 2017 -- with the lowest points being my aunt’s death and the up-and-down-and-down health of my father -- my heart has repeatedly been torn Continue reading the story "Coping Tools"

Slipping Away

Posted on: November 30th, 2017 by
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My dad is slipping away, ever so slowly. His Parkinson’s disease is now impeding his swallowing. I’ve been frantically calling his speech therapist, who is working hard with him on improving his ability to swallow. As of today, he’s dehydrated and on IV fluids. As of today, he has pneumonia and has had blood drawn. According to my mom, he doesn’t talk much anymore. My Continue reading the story "Slipping Away"

Thankful

Posted on: November 22nd, 2017 by
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In the United States, we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving, a national holiday where we get together for a meal with our loved ones and reflect about what we are grateful for. Personally, I don’t just save my gratitude thoughts just for Thanksgiving; I am grateful for many things year-round. But 2017 found me challenged to find things to be grateful for. It has been a Continue reading the story "Thankful"

Pictures

Posted on: August 31st, 2017 by
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About two weeks before Aunt Helene suddenly died, she requested something of me (unbeknownst to all of us, it was her final request of me). “Hon, I’m still waiting for you to send me those pictures….” Then we both laughed because she knew I’m not the fastest at such requests. In fact, like so many people, I get busy with life, but, nevertheless, I Continue reading the story "Pictures"