Post Archives from the ‘Grief, Healing, Guilt, Loss of Control’ Category

My Father’s Dying; They Just Turn Their Backs

Posted on: March 12th, 2018 by

After a harrowing few years filled with suffering from end-stage Parkinson's disease, his days are finally coming to an end. My dad has stopped eating, and now all my family can do is sit and wait. For a doctor’s phone call. Understandably, this is a difficult time for my family, made even more difficult by the people who are supposed to make things easier -- medical Continue reading the story "My Father’s Dying; They Just Turn Their Backs"

2018: My Three Words

Posted on: January 12th, 2018 by

Weights For 2018, I’m continuing the tradition that fellow blogger Philippa Ramsden started: blogging about the three words that will guide me this year. (To check out Philippa’s three words for 2018, click here.) As my readers know, 2017 witnessed me getting laid off and losing my beloved aunt soon after. My precious aunt was Continue reading the story "2018: My Three Words"

Guilty Pleasures

Posted on: December 14th, 2017 by

These days, I’m feeling guilty. My father is faring badly hundreds of miles away. My mom’s anguish is palpable. I’ve been frantically advocating for him and trying to calm her down. All by phone. I have to be prepared to leave to Florida at a moment’s notice. But lately, and -- this is the crux of my guilt -- I’ve been having fun. I feel I’m a poor Continue reading the story "Guilty Pleasures"

Coping Tools

Posted on: December 7th, 2017 by

As my readers know, 2017 has been a real crucible for me. Let’s face it, I’m ready to put 2017 in the books and welcome 2018 wholeheartedly. As someone who has experienced steadfast grief, sadness, and emotional duress in 2017 -- with the lowest points being my aunt’s death and the up-and-down-and-down health of my father -- my heart has repeatedly been torn Continue reading the story "Coping Tools"

Slipping Away

Posted on: November 30th, 2017 by

My dad is slipping away, ever so slowly. His Parkinson’s disease is now impeding his swallowing. I’ve been frantically calling his speech therapist, who is working hard with him on improving his ability to swallow. As of today, he’s dehydrated and on IV fluids. As of today, he has pneumonia and has had blood drawn. According to my mom, he doesn’t talk much anymore. My Continue reading the story "Slipping Away"


Posted on: November 22nd, 2017 by

In the United States, we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving, a national holiday where we get together for a meal with our loved ones and reflect about what we are grateful for. Personally, I don’t just save my gratitude thoughts just for Thanksgiving; I am grateful for many things year-round. But 2017 found me challenged to find things to be grateful for. It has been a Continue reading the story "Thankful"


Posted on: August 31st, 2017 by

About two weeks before Aunt Helene suddenly died, she requested something of me (unbeknownst to all of us, it was her final request of me). “Hon, I’m still waiting for you to send me those pictures….” Then we both laughed because she knew I’m not the fastest at such requests. In fact, like so many people, I get busy with life, but, nevertheless, I Continue reading the story "Pictures"

Aunt Helene

Posted on: August 25th, 2017 by

Helene's 50th Many in the online community got the news a week ago, August 18. My precious Aunt Helene died earlier that day. While her health was diminishing slowly, her sudden death came as a huge surprise to us. I am having such a difficult time coping, and I have never felt such searing, raw emotional pain. I Continue reading the story "Aunt Helene"

Chasing Lincoln

Posted on: August 1st, 2017 by

Lincoln I’ve really been off the grid for the past three months. So many setbacks and upheaval going on in my life that it’s been almost impossible to focus on one of the things I love doing most in the world: writing. So here, then, is my first blog post of many to come. My favorite United Continue reading the story "Chasing Lincoln"

Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn’t Make Me a Better Person: A Review

Posted on: May 13th, 2016 by

Nancy Memoir Truth. That’s what you will find in Nancy Stordahl’s memoir Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn’t Make Me a Better Person: A Memoir About Cancer as I Know It. The book’s title is telling: Stordahl exposes the ugliness that breast cancer really is. In a culture of pinkwashing and stories about how breast Continue reading the story "Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn’t Make Me a Better Person: A Review"