I’ve been away from the blogosphere and away from writing for what, to me, seems too long. Truth is, I have been so busy teaching and grading and preparing for classes and helping my daughter with her piles of homework and having some semblance of a social life that I haven’t really had the time … Continue reading the story "Crying Myself Raw"
Post Archives from the ‘Grief, Healing, Guilt, Loss of Control’ Category
This week, Marie Ennis O’Connor from Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer gave the blogging community the following writing prompt: What gift did you most enjoy receiving? This is a difficult question to answer, as I have been blessed enough to have had many wonderful gifts during my lifetime. But as the first anniversary of my Aunt Helene’s death is quickly approaching, I would have to say … Continue reading the story "My Most Enjoyable Gift"
Last week, I had a real treat: for the first time in a long time, I went to the Art Institute of Chicago, famous for its impressionist paintings, among other artwork. On a pitch perfect day, I met a dear friend whom I hadn’t seen for awhile at the museum. We had lunch, laughed, caught … Continue reading the story "Fatigue"
In Judaism, there’s a beautiful gravesite tradition where the rabbi cuts a part of the mourners’ shirts, about where the heart is located. Those closest to the deceased wear the ripped shirt every day during the first week of mourning to symbolize and remind us and the community how our hearts are torn apart. The shirt … Continue reading the story "Dad"
This is my first post in awhile, for I was still grieving the loss of my beloved aunt, when my dad died of Parkinson’s in March. And I found myself sunk even deeper in the quicksand of depression. Writing is therapeutic, but I was so locked in grief that I couldn’t write. Grief and depression are a bitch. But now, finally and shakily, I write. Saying … Continue reading the story "My Father and the Holocaust"
After a harrowing few years filled with suffering from end-stage Parkinson's disease, his days are finally coming to an end. My dad has stopped eating, and now all my family can do is sit and wait. For a doctor’s phone call. Understandably, this is a difficult time for my family, made even more difficult by the people who are supposed to make things easier -- medical … Continue reading the story "My Father’s Dying; They Just Turn Their Backs"
For 2018, I’m continuing the tradition that fellow blogger Philippa Ramsden started: blogging about the three words that will guide me this year. (To check out Philippa’s three words for 2018, click here.) As my readers know, 2017 witnessed me getting laid off and losing my beloved aunt soon after. My precious aunt was … Continue reading the story "2018: My Three Words"
These days, I’m feeling guilty. My father is faring badly hundreds of miles away. My mom’s anguish is palpable. I’ve been frantically advocating for him and trying to calm her down. All by phone. I have to be prepared to leave to Florida at a moment’s notice. But lately, and -- this is the crux of my guilt -- I’ve been having fun. I feel I’m a poor … Continue reading the story "Guilty Pleasures"
As my readers know, 2017 has been a real crucible for me. Let’s face it, I’m ready to put 2017 in the books and welcome 2018 wholeheartedly. As someone who has experienced steadfast grief, sadness, and emotional duress in 2017 -- with the lowest points being my aunt’s death and the up-and-down-and-down health of my father -- my heart has repeatedly been torn … Continue reading the story "Coping Tools"
My dad is slipping away, ever so slowly. His Parkinson’s disease is now impeding his swallowing. I’ve been frantically calling his speech therapist, who is working hard with him on improving his ability to swallow. As of today, he’s dehydrated and on IV fluids. As of today, he has pneumonia and has had blood drawn. According to my mom, he doesn’t talk much anymore. My … Continue reading the story "Slipping Away"