As is the case for many people affected by breast cancer, this disease has claimed my trust. I don’t entirely trust my body. It has betrayed me and can betray me again. I sometimes reside in hell, where aches and pains and the scary results of a bone scan assail me with fears of recurrence. Prior to cancer I believed if I ate healthy foods … Continue reading the story "How Do I Distrust? Let Me Count the Ways…."
Post Archives from the ‘Grief, Healing, Guilt, Loss of Control’ Category
This piece is based on my diagnosis and treatment years ago. One of the issues people with a serious illness face is that feeling of life spinning out of control. To this day, I have control issues, especially when seeing my doctors, and it stems from my breast cancer experience. “You will see the oncologist on this date,” my chemo nurse politely tells me. “But I have … Continue reading the story "Cancer as Dictator"
Last week, Ari and I were in Florida visiting my parents. It was partly a much-needed vacation. The day after my daughter and I arrived, we all got in my rent-a-car and made a beeline to Miami and saw some sights. We stayed a couple of days, and it felt good to finally have a vacation, albeit too short. It was good to get away. But when … Continue reading the story "The Bird Whisperer"
Dazed and downcast, I sit on a box the movers set down at my new apartment. One of them tells me, “Why are you so sad? Your life’s just beginning! I’m divorced, and my life is the happiest ever. Yours will be, too.” I wonder if he is on crack. Happiest ever? I will never be happy again. I’m also upset that the movers know too much … Continue reading the story "Moving Out, Moving On"
Just two days ago, a former co-worker at a former company informed me that our former boss died from lung cancer. She was 62. I simply couldn't believe it. My former boss was so vibrant and alive. She was too young for cancer. … Continue reading the story "Shock"
Just a few weeks ago, I used my medical group's walk-in service because of a nasty bout of bronchitis. Little did I know the appointment would feel like a rollercoaster derailing, thanks to medical staff's unwillingness inability to communicate to their patients effectively. As I was checking in, a receptionist said coldly and matter-of-factly, "Oh, and here's … Continue reading the story "Medical Bait and Switch"
Well, it's officially Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I've decided to kick off the month by not waiting until October 13 to discuss metastatic breast cancer. Because metastatic breast cancer is what kills and therefore should be at the forefront of the discussions and research on breast cancer. And because mets should not be short-changed by having only one day of this … Continue reading the story "Faun and Me"
I know this comes as a big shocker, but there is yet another organization interested in breast cancer awareness for the 40-and-under crowd. Founded in 2001, ironically, the same year I was diagnosed, this entity's goal is to "infuse sass and style into the cause" and say "Adios [to] fear-based campaigns." I was younger when I was diagnosed, … Continue reading the story "Breast Cancer and Loss of Control"