Here in the US, Mother’s Day is right around the corner, Sunday to be exact. I will be celebrating my fourth Mother’s Day. Has it really been four years already? Time seems to have gotten away from me.
What happened to my superpower of slowing down time?
Once a year, I celebrate Mother’s Day by sending and receiving flowers. Once a year I’m treated to a nice Mother’s Day meal. But these really don’t make me feel like a mother.
My Mother’s Day began the day I first held a frightened, grief-stricken 13-month-old baby, July 19, 2009. She sized me up that day and decided she didn’t like me.
Now my almost-six-year-old tells me she wants to be with me forever. This comment puts me on the edge of joy and pain. I love that she always wants to be with me. And, yet, I know there will be times she won’t want to be seen with me. Perhaps she will even hate me, albeit temporarily. And, of course, in the natural order of things, there will come a time she will grieve for me.
Dramatic irony, indeed, for she is unaware of what is to come.
Come to think of it, so am I.
For my first Mother’s Day in 2010, I bought myself a gold pendant with my daughter’s Chinese first name on it, “Fu,” which translates to something like “the highest luck, happiness and blessing.” The pendant actually has the pinyin, or Chinese character, for “Fu.” I’m not a superstitious person, but I never take this pendant off.
(I did have to take it off for surgery, which caused emotional upheaval, but I made sure that the pendant was left with my friend at the hospital with me. It was the first object I put on when I could get dressed.)
Well, maybe I am a bit superstitious after all.
When Ari was a toddler, she fingered the pendant cluelessly. Now she fingers it with purpose. She’s curious and, I believe, flattered that I’m constantly wearing her name. She will inherit — and I hope wear — this pendant when I’m gone.
Ari’s pinyin name is so fitting for our life together. The universe has spoken — and a baby from China and a woman from the United States became inextricably bonded. It was meant to be. Creating a family with Ari has been “Fu,” the highest luck, happiness and blessing that I could have ever hoped for.
Please feel free to share your parental experience(s); I would love to hear about them.
What are your plans for Mother’s Day?
Tags: adoption, good luck charm, mother and daughter, Mother's Day, motherhood, parenthood, pendent